dwelling on the past, or, two-ish weeks ago

I admit it. I have had trouble in Milledgeville. I have had trouble adjusting to the move. I have only moved one other time in my life (the first time, when I was under two years of age, I do not count that move since I do not remember it at all)--and that time resulted in my being diagnosed with depression. I admit that I have been depressed. Unfortunately, this has resulted in a hindering of my making good impressions on some people and meeting others in general. I have not been myself. Yes, depression is a *part* of me. However, depression is similar to abnormal blood pressure in that it must be medicated, but medication can only help so much sometimes. I wish I could control the chemicals in my brain... which, unlike blood pressure, can effect emotions/mood/rationality... but I can only help them so much. Sometimes, change hinders my ability to control the imbalances in my brain, to think rationally about things, and I end up doing stupid/horrible/awkward/*insert negative adjective here* things. I wish this were not so; this lack of control has a horrible effect on my self-esteem and such. The only good thing about my dealing with the lack of control is that I am able to recognize when I have had it--a lack of control.

The good news, believe it or not that there is actually good news, is that I am becoming more comfortable here... despite some surly neighbor... and (again, believe it or not) there are people here who like me for who I am--"craziness" and all. I feel fortunate that they have seen a positive side of me (who knew?)--a funny, sometimes over-talkative, sometimes shy, intelligent, kind, sensitive, and sometimes quirky woman. For those who have not or can not see these positive sides to me... Well, I suppose it is his/her loss.

Hm.

I think I know of a Lord Byron.

things are gonna happen naturally

I've never had this much trouble figuring people out... I have decided to quit trying. It's not a bad thing; in fact, my mind has never felt more at ease than it does at this moment. I'm going to live up to what I have been saying: that I will simply go with the flow. If someone doesn't like who I talk to, who I decide to spend time on, well, then that's simply too bad. I'm tired feeling as though I am the flag on a rope used in a tug-of-war.

That said, I hope that it won't always rain in this town. Though if it were to do so, I will be able to handle it. Like I said earlier tonight, I spent one of the rainiest five weeks in London (Bath flooded, ah, I slay myself...). People deserve to have the chance to prove themselves; yes, this is something that matters to most people. It should. If it does not matter, then one would not have many acquaintances and, more importantly, friends. For me, ascertaining who one is, conveying one's perceptions and opinions... these things are a defense. A defense is not a bad thing. It is necessary to let people know these things because then people can make a case for you.

I don't regret the way I handle things, but I am sorry if I hurt someone in handling things. It is not ever my intention to intentionally hurt someone.
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In other, lighter news, I am thoroughly enjoying my Romanticism class. "Mont Blanc" by Shelley is a poem I had the pleasure of reading again. It can be found here:
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/courses/rschwart/hist256/alps/mont_blanc.htm

It pretty much speaks for itself... I just wish I could see this place for myself.

I am thinking of doing my grad presentation on Shelley and the perception of religion at his time, his views on it, and maybe throw in some philosophic arguments of the time.

Pride and Prejudice

Meh, I just titled this entry that because the movie (Keira Knightly one) is on television. It's mediocre. Book, of course, is better... although I think Jane Austen can be very dry at times.

Saturday night was a blur. It started out fun, but, unfortunately, Golden Grain prevents me from remembering... I must stop doing this to myself. It just isn't healthy, and my memory has suffered enough. Hopefully, I have not done something too stupid... yet. Although, I did do something stupid--Apparently, I fell at one point during the night, and I have some nasty bruising on my hip and left arm. I blame my shoes.

I miss my friends. I miss Emily (and I *guess* Zack, haha, j/k! I do miss him, too). What's worse, I miss Panda and she's still living in the States and not very far away! If this week keeps going the way it is, perhaps I will call her to see if I may come visit her this weekend. (Panda, if you're reading this, give me an awkward phone call! hahaha.)

I really hope things don't turn out to be needlessly complicated.

I also hope that my neighbors downstairs don't bang on my door again--It scared the hell out of Priti and me.

I am bored with homework.
That is all.