a year, huh?

I forgot I had this thing. Here's a note in progress in regard to a strange relationship...

I have been feeling that I should be keeping myself at more of a distance from you--and it isn't your fault. I want you to care like I care, and I am unsure of the way that I--that we-- act toward one another. I feel the way I act toward you is childish, insecure, and strange. It is a very strange, uncomfortable feeling to feel that caring is somehow out of place (no matter that I know it isn't). I worry too much; when you say you'll be back, I never know how much I should trust that you will -- you can't control this feeling in me, and it is not your fault. It is just a part of who you are. I can't expect you (or myself) to change. I want too much to happen, and I keep setting myself up for disappointment waiting for you to make it happen.

The thing, the main point, is that you probably would not even understand this whole stupid thing.
----
and now, more randomness!
---

I think (sometimes)
I'll find your
car (maybe in the news-
paper) in a ditch
maybe crammed
inside another (in
my mind)
a note appears
so sharp and ends
a rest
and a question mark
above
-----
Practice
makes your wallet
empty
and your retinas
burn and
then you expect
me with
some sort of
fire hose water
and tissues with
magazines
Really
what I want
is your mouth to
be silent
(resting on mine)
-----