Hail to the Internet...

Today is a glorious day. Priti (my roommate) and I went to the temple of the Internet god, set up an account, and I have plugged in the several wires (that are now tangled gloriously behind and below my desk) to the modem, router, and computer. Ahhh, now I can be connected with the world once again. It was very strange to go almost a complete month without the wonderous ways of the Internet.

Yesterday after classes and dinner and such, I took Priti to Kroger. Wow. She makes shopping really difficult... it's difficult to answer her questions about, uh, shopping? Capitalism? For example, "What is the difference in the Kroger brand besides the lower price?" To which I replied, "Usually, the Kroger brand is of lower quality or taste different than other brands... it is what is called a 'generic' brand, like Wal-Mart's brand is called 'Great Value'. While the products are probably safe and fine to use, they may not be as high calibur as other brands like Del-Monte or Green Giant." (I didn't sound *that* intelligent, but I think she understood me). Another question: "So... these beans in the can, they are cooked, yes? Or are they raw?" "Yes, but you still have to heat them up on the stove... Technically, you could eat them out of the can, but I would not recommend that."

Random: it's lovely that there's a farmer's market every Tuesday here from 4-7... but I can't go since I have class at those times. Lame.

The second day of classes was... pretty much like any other second day of classes? I don't feel like a graduate student really. Maybe it is because I have only one class that has all grad students (Methods of Research... um, yay for MLA and bibliographies and the history of books?) My other two classes (yes, I am taking nine hours instead of the suggested six) are Milton and English Romanticism. I'm much more excited about those two.

Other than my roommate, I have only met two other people. Hopefully, the girl I met today will give me a call Thursday and we can go check out the bars together. I have yet to "go out" here and would rather not do so alone!

In other news, there is a cute guy in two of my classes... but he gives off this aura of "I'm really smart and cool and probably won't talk to you unless you give me a good reason... or if I have to work with you on a project." That's probably in my head though...

This weekend, I will either:
a) stay in M-ville
b) go to Atlanta for a couple of nights
c) hope that someone comes to visit me
d) go to Columbia to see Panda
e) go to Statesboro

The amount of money I have spent this month hurts my head... and my wallet. Sigh, and I wanted so to drive on I-20 to frolic around and inside a pretty mall. On the up-side... at least I have the Internet to find the closest, prettiest mall! Woop!

hoping for more than moving

I can be happier... could be.
(it's not the pills talkin)

I hope I don't stand in my way.

since high school

As I was spying/being-a-creeper on (gasp) Facebook, I noticed some comments being shot back and forth between two people I used to know... Well, one I used to know and the other not-so-much... so anywho, as I was doing this, I became offended and annoyed by them; one in particular annoyed me. Why so much hate for Georgia? No, not the Bulldogs, the state. In general, everyone I know hates living in this area of the country (how do you like that sentence? Ha!) Why? There are probably endless reasons, but I'm sure people in other states aren't necessarily happy in the place they live in...

Even if Georgia is eff'd up, at least it gives great material.

^this makes sense to me. I will leave the entry this way.

Three thirty in the morning... if I just wait thirty minutes the puppy will probably awake.
Giving away a puppy is going to be sad.
So will be moving away... (but at least I'll still be in Georgia. I love to hate her.)

P.S. Writing this entry makes me realize how little I've really changed since high school.

I'm a lame

Once, somebody said I would be "hot" if I weren't so "emo." (Well, it was years ago when I was thinner.)

It's strange the things that stick in one's brain... of so many more important things, why does crap like that end up sticking in one's brain?

Finally. I'm moving. Sure, it's not out of Georgia... and it won't be the oh-so glamorous Atlanta or Athens (excuse me while I roll my eyes)... but it isn't *here*. At least it is a new place that I can soon tire of just as I have with this old town.

Oh, but I must remind myself to not wait nine long years to get the hell out of said future place...

a year, huh?

I forgot I had this thing. Here's a note in progress in regard to a strange relationship...

I have been feeling that I should be keeping myself at more of a distance from you--and it isn't your fault. I want you to care like I care, and I am unsure of the way that I--that we-- act toward one another. I feel the way I act toward you is childish, insecure, and strange. It is a very strange, uncomfortable feeling to feel that caring is somehow out of place (no matter that I know it isn't). I worry too much; when you say you'll be back, I never know how much I should trust that you will -- you can't control this feeling in me, and it is not your fault. It is just a part of who you are. I can't expect you (or myself) to change. I want too much to happen, and I keep setting myself up for disappointment waiting for you to make it happen.

The thing, the main point, is that you probably would not even understand this whole stupid thing.
----
and now, more randomness!
---

I think (sometimes)
I'll find your
car (maybe in the news-
paper) in a ditch
maybe crammed
inside another (in
my mind)
a note appears
so sharp and ends
a rest
and a question mark
above
-----
Practice
makes your wallet
empty
and your retinas
burn and
then you expect
me with
some sort of
fire hose water
and tissues with
magazines
Really
what I want
is your mouth to
be silent
(resting on mine)
-----

dwindling down

I feel that blogs like these are not supposed to be so depressing... so emo... so stupid... whatever word you might prefer. The dumb thing is that I feel like I can't really say much to anyone anymore for one reason or another.

I wish I could go back and change so many things... I wish I were better. I need a change in almost every part of my life and myself. I'm tired of failing...

I just always wanted to be normal.

It feels every part of me is... wow, I really can't even explain this.

All I know is that if I don't change, if I don't get out of this place, then I will lose everything... but maybe that's the way I'm supposed to be and how my life is supposed to go. I'm so very confused...

I can't begin to explain how I feel, so I have even failed with words. They should really make pills for this... or, rather, better pills.

Since my last post is quite lame...

Hopefully, this picture is somewhat clear... I received a postcard with this on it in my poetry class. It is a Marc Chagall entitled "To Russia, Asses and Others", which is also the title of the poem.


Off in the darkness
there seems to be
a gnarled tree and
a man dreaming
of how things
used to be

Her animals and children
rely on the red
dominance of a horned
monster for sustanance,
so they must suck
from the monster

And she, with pin point holes cut into her body,
holds an idle, empty pale and tosses
her head in the dark air towards
smoky crimson and seems to see
her man in the darkness, and wonders
where and why he is lost and gone
and if he'll ever be
that man he used to be.